Escape the Yes/No trap
Escape the Yes/No trap
When you are feeling trapped by a request and the only answer seems to be yes or no, consider creating new options and offering choices that will satisfy everyone’s needs.
Insight: I often see team members fall into the Yes/No trap. When a boss or someone higher in the organization makes a request that is impossible to fulfill given the team member’s existing commitments, team members often feel trapped. It’s hard to say no, so team members say yes and then:
Don’t keep the commitment they made, or modify it later
Don’t keep their other commitments
Reduce the quality of their work
By saying yes, the team member ensures that at least one person to whom they made a commitment will be dissatisfied. And the team member may end up feeling overwhelmed and perhaps resent their manager.
Sometimes, the best answer is indeed "no," but often you can address everyone’s needs by making a counter offer. Let me share a quick story.
Marilyn, a marketing executive at a bank, was asked by the President to implement a new customer outreach program by July. Given her other commitments, she couldn’t do it. Rather than saying no, Marilyn returned to the President with several options:
"Chris, I understand the importance of this project, and here’s what I can do. I see three choices:
I can implement the program by July, but I’ll have to delay the sales training for 2 months to free up some time.
I can fit everything in by July if I get a budget to hire a consultant to work with me for 20 hours/week.
I can have the outreach program completed by September without shifting my other projects.
What would you like me to do?"
"Marilyn, I need this by July, and the sales training can wait, so let’s move forward on this."
The result was that Marilyn was able to take care of Chris’s needs, and she left the conversation with a clear prioritization of where to focus her attention. By giving him options, Marilyn was able to escape the yes/no trap and allow Chris to choose the most effective way to move forward given her capacity.
Key Action: When you are feeling trapped by a request and the only answer seems to be yes or no, consider creating new options and offering choices that will satisfy everyone’s needs.
When people make a request, listen for what’s needed behind their request. Often people make requests that assume a specific solution. This can limit possibilities. Ask yourself what options you can create to address their underlying needs.
Generating options can help you stay out of the Yes/No trap and effectively manage your commitments. Offering options may provide solutions that no one had considered and help you build partnership with your colleagues and managers.
