Be More Receptive to Feedback

C.U.B.E. for Conflict

To learn more about CUBE and how to use, please view the CUBE Overview

Best Practices for Be More Receptive to Feedback

  • Maintain ongoing rapport and connection.
  • Assume they have positive intentions around all of their actions.
  • Share your positive intent and support for them and your commitment to their success. 
  • Request a conversation to give them some feedback.
  • Find a good time for you both to have the conversation.

C

U

REATE CONTEXT & OBJECTIVES

NDERSTAND EACH OTHER’S WORLDS… THEIR WORLD FIRST

  • Ask to have a conversation about how you can more effectively give them feedback and assessments. Share that you find yourself holding back because they tend to react or defend themselves. 
  • When they get defensive or explain, get curious. Understand their world and how they think. The goal is not to show them they are defensive, the goal is to talk about HOW to give them feedback in a way they can hear it.
  • Stay curious about how your feedback is impacting them. Are there areas where they are more open than other areas?
  • Find out how they would like to receive feedback? What would make it easier for them to hear assessments
  • Be empathetic. Be soft on them, and continually focus on what YOU can do better to deliver the feedback. 
  • Whatever their fears are, draw them out and get more clarity. The more you understand the types of judgements that cause closure, the more you will be able to modify your approach.
  • Acknowledge the dynamics of the relationship and that feedback can be hard and uncomfortable to receive.
  • If they need more acknowledgment or more security, ask them what they would like to be acknowledged for and how to give them more security.
  • Articulate how the CEO will get more of what they want by being more receptive to your feedback.

B

RAINSTORM OPTIONS

  • Brainstorm
  • Ways for you to deliver feedback differently–domains, style, timing, email vs. voice, etc.
  • Ways for them to navigate how/when hey respond
  • Also brainstorm how you can point out when you think they are being defensive or not listening in a way that they stay open
  • Simply talking about it is already a win. Get permission to continue the conversation another time.
  • If you can come up make agreements on anything that was discussed, that’s even better
  • Most importantly, agree to what you should do if it seems that they are shutting down or ignoring your feedback
  • The most important thing is to keep the conversation alive and be able to talk about it again in the future.
  • Afterwards, send an email thanking them for the conversation.

E

ND WITH COMMITMENTS

Common Mistakes for Be More Receptive to Feedback

  • Starting the conversation aggressively or in a way that will cause them to shut down. So if you are frustrated, it may not be the best time to have the conversation
  • Not asking for permission and launching directly into feedback.
  • Assuming negative intent or making generalizations or attributions that impacts the mood of the conversation.
  • Being transactional versus being relational. Being too focused on the content of the feedback versus seeing this as an opportunity to strengthen your relationship.
  • Not acting from a mood of support and encouragement.

C

U

REATE CONTEXT & OBJECTIVES

NDERSTAND EACH OTHER’S WORLDS… THEIR WORLD FIRST

  • Getting caught up in your own story and not being curious. It’s easy to want to be “right” rather than focus on the desired result.
  • Forgetting that the goal is to collaborate around a change in behavior, not to deliver a message or beat them up.
  • Making it all about them–and what they need to change–rather than what you can change.
  • Not understanding or empathizing with their challenges, obstacles or other uncontrollable factors.
  • Not sharing the level of impact on the relationship or the severity of the consequences.
  • Assuming what’s easy for you is easy for them.
  • Believing you understand what’s important to them without confirming your assumptions.
  • Not empathizing with their perspective, especially when you disagree.
  • Not explicitly sharing your interests.

B

RAINSTORM OPTIONS

  • Making demands rather than exploring next steps together. 
  • Thinking the conversation is too rudimentary.
  • Judging, critiquing or ignoring ideas while brainstorming.

E

ND WITH COMMITMENTS

  • No clear next steps or check-ins to support the feedback’s implementation.
  • Approaching this as their issue rather than your issue.
  • Trying to move too quickly because it seems like it’s easy.

How did you do with having this conversation?

View the Post-Conversation Self Assessment.