Conflict Resolution

C.U.B.E. for Conflict

To learn more about CUBE and how to use, please view the CUBE Overview

Best Practices for Conflict Resolution

  • Set a forward-looking, collaborative mood of support. 
  • Clarify together the desired outcome, which includes addressing both relationship issues and the conflict.
  • Care about them personally, but also name the elephant in the room.
  • Agree on agenda & timing. Don’t expect to solve it in one meeting.
  • Name the trust issues and resolve those first, then address content.

C

REATE CONTEXT & OBJECTIVES

  • Set the agenda for you to understand them first, and secondly for them to understand your perspective.
  • Be curious: Dig for their underlying interests, cares, and feelings.
  • Empathize: Demonstrate understanding through paraphrasing even if you strongly disagree.
  • Ask to be heard: Share your story and impact on you. Distinguish facts from interpretations.

NDERSTAND EACH OTHER’S WORLDS… THEIR WORLD FIRST

U

  • Co-create many possible solutions to (1) resolve the conflict and (2) rebuild trust.
  • Don’t narrow into one solution.

B

RAINSTORM OPTIONS

  • Decide and commit to clear next steps. Do not accept unrealistic commitments.
  • Agree on what will you do if & when situations come up again.
  • Setup a check-in meeting now to ensure you rebuild trust together.
  • Discuss what went well in the conversation and what could be better next time.

E

ND WITH COMMITMENTS

Common Mistakes for Conflict Resolution

  • Trying to get to agreement too quickly (1 step forward, 2 steps back).
  • Being too nice and not naming the real intent of the conversation.
  • Unilateral moves including setting up an agenda without a discussion.
  • Having the conversation in the wrong circumstances.
  • Underestimating the importance of mood, e.g. moving forward before cleaning up trust issues.

C

U

REATE CONTEXT & OBJECTIVES

  • Discounting their concerns, priorities or story--verbally or nonverbally, e.g. rolling your eyes.
  • Lack of empathy for their perspective, especially when you disagree.
  • Trying to be right and prove a point, rather than focusing on mutual understanding of two different perspectives.
  • Stating opinions and perspective as fact without double checking the facts.
  • Softening your truth and impact on you because they may react poorly.

NDERSTAND EACH OTHER’S WORLDS… THEIR WORLD FIRST

  • Not developing options for both solving the issue and repairing trust.
  • Underestimating the relationship damage.

B

RAINSTORM OPTIONS

  • Rushing into solutions.
  • Playing next steps by ear, including not scheduling a check-in (usually because you are relieved you got here in the first place).
  • Going too big—it’s better to take baby steps that are realistic than find yourself deeper in the hole.
  • Not expressing appreciation for the conversation.

E

ND WITH COMMITMENTS

View the Cube Prep Sheet in Google Doc.

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