Can Curiosity Cure the "I'm Right" Mindset?
Are You Stuck in Your Point-of-View?
When you are cleaning up an issue, bring curiosity to the conversation. Ask yourself: What is the other person's perspective? How did I contribute to the issue?
Insight: As you may recall from the last article: Tony, the manager of Procurement at a large family-run manufacturing company, was upset with a decision made by Roger, the head of Manufacturing. Tony initiated a clean-up conversation with Roger:
Tony: "Roger, we have a great relationship and are building a great partnership between our Business Units. There's something that you did the other day that seemed completely inconsistent with the partnership we have built, and I wanted to share my perspective and understand yours. Are you willing to have this conversation with me?"
Roger: "Yes, of course."
Tony: "Well, I'm upset about your decision to buy the materials from an outside vendor. My team worked hard to get you the supplier information, and then you just used that information to cut a deal with another company. How could you do that to my team?"
Roger became defensive. Although the conversation was setup well (see last month's article), Roger felt attacked. He had to defend against Tony's "I did everything right and you didn't" attitude. The conversation quickly dove into the details of what happened and tensions rose.
Key Action: When you are cleaning up an issue, bring curiosity to the conversation. Ask yourself: What is the other person's perspective? How did I contribute to the issue?
Rather than stating his own interpretations as if they were facts, Tony could have explained why he felt the way he did and brought curiosity to the conversation:
Tony: "Roger, my team worked hard to get you the supplier information. When you cut a deal with another company, it occurred to me that you took advantage of my team. I assume that this was not what you were intending, so can you tell me what was going on for you and what caused you to make that decision? Were my expectations off-base?"
The curiosity that is embedded in this approach would have surfaced the issues more effectively and created a conversation to resolve the concern together.
Often, when issues arise, there is a tendency to blame people and jump to conclusions. To break this pattern and resolve the issue together, bring curiosity to the conversation. Keep two key questions in mind:
What is the other person's perspective? Explain what you believe happened and your interpretations. Let them know that these are your interpretations and you are looking to understand their perspective. And then, really try to listen for how they see the situation. In this case, Tony would have learned that Roger was forced into the decision by the buyer.
What did you do to contribute? Issues are rarely the fault of just the other person. By asking how you contributed to the issue, you may learn how you played a role in the breakdown. Perhaps you did something that sent an inadvertent message, or perhaps your expectations had not been clarified. In this case, Tony never explained how important this deal was to his team, so Roger did not negotiate with the client.
By bringing curiosity to clean-up conversations, you will have an opportunity to understand the situation more clearly, and you'll be less likely to jump to false conclusions or overreact. Overall, curiosity will help you resolve issues more effectively and strengthen relationships.
