Gossip is an Important Clue
Gossip is an Important Clue
Don't gossip! If you find yourself badmouthing a teammate, it's your clue that it's time to clean up an outstanding issue.
Insight: Tony, the manager of Procurement at a large family run manufacturing company, was still upset at last month's decision by Roger, the head of Manufacturing. He was talking about it with a colleague:
Tony: "I can't believe Roger would do that to me. My team spent weeks identifying all of the metal suppliers that could provide him the materials, and then he cuts a deal with another company using all the information that we provided."
Peer: "Roger is just watching out for himself."
Tony: "We definitely need to watch our back around him."
Rather than addressing the issue directly with Roger, Tony was bashing Roger behind his back. I call this gossip. Gossip is talking about a third person without their interests in mind and without an intention to address that person directly.
Often when people gossip, it's because they are not addressing an issue with a team member. It's hard for people to hold frustration and disappointment, so there is a tendency to release the tension by gossiping. So when you find yourself gossiping, start exploring what you haven't said to the person that you are gossiping about. There are probably outstanding issues that you haven't cleaned up.
When you gossip, it does nothing to solve the issue. Although you may be trying to be polite by not addressing the person directly, it will negatively effect how you work together. Here is a pattern that we often see:
Even if it's just a small issue, your suspicions and mistrust will build.
You will start to gather evidence to reinforce your negative assessments.
It will become harder to get your job done because you'll start doing workarounds to avoid this person and protect yourself.
When future issues arise with this person, it will be difficult for you to resolve them productively.
Ultimately, the consequence of gossiping is that trust among the team will start to erode. Not addressing people directly and talking behind their backs will start to become a cultural norm detrimental to team success.
Key Action: Don't gossip! If you find yourself badmouthing a teammate, it's your clue that it's time to clean up an outstanding issue.
After much encouragement, Tony finally talked to Roger about what happened. What Tony learned, but hadn't known, was that the client demanded that Roger buy the materials from a specific supplier. It was not Roger's choice. Here's what they said after they started to get to the bottom of things:
Roger: "I can't believe you've been mad at me for a month. Why didn't you just ask me about it then?"
Tony: "I was so sure that you had intentionally taken advantage of my team that I just refused to even talk to you. I can clearly see how I completely misread your intentions, and I am quite embarrassed about it."
Cleaning up issues with someone can be scary. You may expect to be uncomfortable, awkward, or embarrassed, but the damage of not having cleanup conversations can be severe. Ultimately, you're sabotaging their success along with your own. So, you may avoid discomfort, but the trade is not worth it.
Building a powerful team takes time and has many challenges. Participating in gossip is one way you can guarantee your team will never get there. So next time you find yourself gossiping about a teammate, ask yourself if you have an issue with that person that you have not addressed.
P.S. In the next newsletter, we'll discuss how to effectively bring up an issue with a teammate.
